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[17 Feb 2005|07:54pm]
So, the state is now officially paying for our food. I've applied for Temporary Disability Insurance and unemployment, and waiting for two more documents to apply for Medical Assistance. We expect to be moving to woonsocket after april, to save money and lisa says i'll have a better shot at finding a job there. we'll be closer to brian and her family, and hardly farther from anything else. most importantly, we'll finally have a porch and a cat!
1 drop in the bucket | spit

work [03 Feb 2005|09:48pm]
To whom it may concern:

When I started at Providence Picture Frame Company, I was doing very well managing my mental disability with the help of medication prescribed by the psychiatrist I was seeing in my hometown of Fall River, Massachusetts. Since then I have moved to Providence and switched to BlueCHiP health insurance as an employee of the company.

This past Monday I went to refill my prescription for my daily medication and learned that I do not have any refills, which means I need a new Prescription in order to continue receiving the medicine. I called the center I now go to for mental health services, where I have an appointment for my initial psychiatric evaluation this coming Monday. Since I have yet to see my new psychiatrist, she cannot prescribe anything until after this meeting. So, I called my old psychiatrist in Fall River who, since he hasn’t seen me in such a long time, also will not call in my prescription without a visit. He is booked solid and not covered by BlueCHiP.

Tuesday I took the bus to work. I left my house at 9:05am, but as the bus was over 20 minutes late, I was 10 or so minutes late getting to work. That day at work went better than a lot of days I’d had recently and made me hopeful. However, Tuesday night I was unable to sleep and so Wednesday was very difficult. During my lunch break, John was talking to me about the weather and I was unable to respond. At this point I realized my condition was affecting not only myself and my performance, but my coworkers negatively as well, so I decided it was best for the Company that I take the rest of the day off. As the primary factor was my lack of sleep, I also decided that rather than being scrupulous about being prompt on Thursday, I would be scrupulous about my health and state of mind. I felt this decision was consistent with the talks I’ve had so far with management and the understanding to which we’ve come regarding my condition.

I understand that since my poor health began affecting my performance and execution of my duties I have been far less than what anyone would consider a model employee, and at times less than a satisfactory one. I appreciate the efforts management has made and the concern shown for my well-being and for my employment to continue and be beneficial to both myself and the Company. Work is very difficult for me; I think moreso than for most people, but I need the income and healthcare it provides in order to take care of myself and my partner, Lisa, who is currently unemployed. My last meeting with management led me to believe that the company still considered me more of an asset than a liability. This week I am without medication and it is especially difficult, but I continue to do the best I can under the circumstances.

Nick Weglowski
3rd February, 2005

how it is... [07 Jan 2005|09:53pm]
nick loves lisa and that's all there is to it. we watch a movie that is very good. we write to penpals (not often enough, though)and they write us. we love each other and our friends. i am in a band and i cut my finger yesterday. lisa is so many things, all of them wonderful beyond description. she is a sculptor who fabricates objects and ideas that make us think and feel, even when we don't want to (ahem). it is true happiness to live here and share in her life and work. i love to be a part of all this. i just wish i were better at getting through the other things that go along with it. they are byproducts, offal of the wonderful life we lead together. even aphrodite's shit stinks. i do not like working, especially with some of the people i get to work with. i don'tlike driving, but sometimes you have to do that to get where you're going. one time we blew up balloons and put starched yarn over them. that is one of the many reasons i love lisa. almost every little thing she does is an opportunity to fall in love with her and also to feel okay about yourself. i love and i am happy.

from tomface [24 Feb 2004|01:16pm]
[ mood | tired as fuck ]

01. i haven't written anything longer than two pages in a while.
02. i have better teeth than anyone in my family.
03. my father and both my grandfathers are dead, and my mother and both my grandmothers are alive and well.
04. i drink a lot of cream soda but i always water soda down, like 1/3 or 1/4 pop.
05. i've been so tired, i thought I might die.
06. i am vegetarian. at this point meat does not look or smell like food to me.
05. most of my friends are attractive women. i don't get along with men.
06. I play music every day, twice or three times a day even.
07. I am wondering why I am not putting anything in bold yet.
08. scarlett johansson is just okay.
09. I really enjoy my sleep. (when i can get it! coughing sucks!)
10. Sometimes my hands get cold. (i could go out in winter in a t-shirt but i'd need gloves.)
11. i like the idea of dry cleaning.
12. i don't have a boyfriend. (and never have. sad, huh?)
13. i don't like baths.
14. there isn't anything i want to do when I'm stressed out.
15. i love the art my friends make.
16. i look like my father.
17. i'm totally relaxed when i'm playing guitar. i'm totally alert when i'm drawing.
18. i really appreciate the beauty of logic.
19. commercial ads (and many non-commercial ones) often make me violently angryu
20. i think it's impolite to spit on people's shoes.
21. i have trouble with eye contact sometimes. (most of it.)
22. up until about halfway through high school, my highest ambtion was to marry someone i could worship and serve.
23. i always worry that i'm doing the wrong thing.
24. I like to eat carbohydrates!
25. i haven't worked since 17.01.03, when i stormed out of the post office in a rage.
26. i regret moving back to fall river from pittsburgh.
27. I like look at sneaker websites online.
28. Cheese is ok. (but gives me gas and is no good for this sore throat.)
29. i taught myself guitar but am finding the piano much more difficult.
30. I don't have any piercings or tattoos.
31. There [are few things] more wonderful than loving/feeling close to someone.
32. watching the film step across the border is pretty good too.
33. I've never been to outer space! (as a kid, i wanted to be an astronaut so badly that my parents put a mural of the shuttle columbia against a background of the moon on my bedroom wall and my mom started a chapter of the young astronauts.)
34. I spend time worrying about what people think of me.
35. I love my friends.
36. i put mustard on my french fries.
37. i have two pens i like that are pretty common, but i can't find refills for them
38. I have brain cells I never use. I'm sure.
39. i plan to move away from my hometown unless i win the lottery.
40. I hate having keys in my pocket.
41. i don't like drinking out of a can and i used a straw in my drink for weeks after seeing before night falls.
42. i got warts from an ex-girlriend.
43. i dislike cellphones.
44. I've never tried contacts.
45. i'd always been told i had blue eyes, even received a poem about them once, until i met kim, who noticed they were green.
46. I want a cat.
47. i haven't paid someone to cut my hair in years.
48. I gained a lot of weight in the span of a couple of months.
49. i am immeasurably glad that i switched psychiatrists.
50. i threw away my eight-track player and cassettes when i moved to pittsburgh but regret it because stash has a player.
51. I like California. (but not arnold schwarzenegger.)
52. i can look at anyone and fall in love in a way, considering their individuality, but in general, i do not like people. they annoy the shit out of me.
53. i don't buy cheap tools, a lesson i learned from my father.
54. i'm online way too much since i've been sick.
55. I enjoy reading.
56. I like short stories.
57. i don't want to own a home unless it's my babcia's house.
58. I've never had any broken bones.
59. i can't swim and find the water ominous and intimidating.
60. i always call our guitarist joe by our singer jay's name.
61. i listen exclusively to noncommercial radio except when i listen to a sporting event or when i am driving long distance.
62. I'm not that excited about Orlando Bloom.
63. My friends think my mom is really pretty. (they should.)
64. I'd like a billion trillion dollars.
65. I like potatoes.
66. whenever i have ice cream i eat too much and get a tummyache.
67. Elitists and fundamentalists are annoying.
68. i don't think i would be a good art collector, but i think i will like the stuff i choose to hang in my home.
69. i find it difficult to curb my spending.
70. i love to watch jeopardy and play along. i was playing a movie trivia game with my cousins and found it difficult not to phrase my answers in the form of a question.
71. I hate answering my phone.
72. I don't have OCD
73. I am drawn to intellect and humor. and charisma and intimacy.
74. This thing is freaking long.
75. I hate when people do things just to look important.
76. i have made it my goal to avoid responsibility and am becoming an expert.
77. Pain makes me hurt.
78. I am really nostalgic.
79. i can't be in a church without yawning several times.
80. I hate online abbreviations like DH. Who the hell says 'Dear husband' in real life? Mormons?
81. I try not to hold grudges.
82. i don't find britney spears, tyra banks, sarah jessica parker, or gwyneth paltrow attractive.
83. i dumped catherine, but i'm the one who wanted her back. makes it tough to find appropriate songs.
84. i just got a letter from the aarp. i'm 25.
85. I hate to drive.
86. with a map and a tank of gas though, i can get anywhere.
87. Annoying people annoy me.
88. i've been making friends through online services and it's increased my confidence significantly.
89. my eyes are deepset, and i have a strong jawline but a weak chin.
90. I was known as a high achiever.
91. I hated school.
92. I wish I had an unlimited bank account.
93. i am very good at spelling and grammar, and enjoy being a proofreader.
94. i honestly don't know if my band's music is any good or not, but i know it's honest.
95. I have no idea what a gut reaction is supposed to feel like.
96. I want a "clean my room" button installed by my lightswitch
97. Going on dates is awkward (i've only really been on one.)
98. i have the most uncomfortable bed of anyone i know.
99. I keep a paper journal.
100. I am sick of this.

3 drops in the bucket | spit

[22 Feb 2004|07:28am]
i feel closest to cats, but if i could pick one animal to be, i would be a bird. they own the early morning, my favorite time of day, and it shows them off beautifully.
3 drops in the bucket | spit

an innate fear of war and turmoil [22 Feb 2004|07:03am]
[ mood | ah, morning! ]

nick, your subconscious mind is driven most by Peace

You are driven by a higher purpose than most people. You have a deeply-rooted desire to facilitate peacefulness in the world. Whether through subtle interactions with love ones, or through getting involved in social causes, it is important to you to influence the world.

You are driven by a desire to encourage others to think about the positive side of things instead of focusing on the negative. The reason your unconscious is consumed by this might stem from an innate fear of war and turmoil. Thus, to avoid that uncomfortable place for you, your unconscious seeks out the peace in your environment.

Usually, the thing that underlies this unconscious drive is a deep respect for humankind. You care about the future of the world, even beyond your own involvement in it. As a result, your personal integrity acts as a surrogate for your deeper drive toward peace and guides you in daily life towards decisions that are respectful toward yourself and others.

Though your unconscious mind is driven most strongly by Peace, there is much more to who you are at your core.


i'm so fly, birds and bees envy me [22 Feb 2004|06:01am]
[ mood | can't sleep AGAIN ]

nick, your Super IQ score is 147 Your overall intelligence quotient is the result of a scientifically-tested formula based on how many questions you answered correctly. But it's only part of what we learned about you from your answers on the test. We also determined the way you process information. The way you think about things makes you an Intuitive Investigator. This means you have multiple talents and can do anything you set your mind to. You're able to detect numerical patterns easily and are able to grasp the true complexity of the world, both in its details and in a more abstract form. You've got a sharp logical mind and are adept at using words to get even a difficult point across*. The combination of all these things makes you truly brilliant. How did we determine that your thinking style is that of an Intuitive Investigator? When we examined your test results further, we analyzed how you scored on 8 dimensions of intelligence: spatial, organizational, abstract reasoning, logical, mechanical, verbal, visual and numerical. The 3 dimensions you scored highest on combine to make you an Intuitive Investigator. Only 6 out of 1,000 people have this rare combination of abilities. joe took me to see reason to fight at the green room in providence and they rocked the joint. yippee! oh! and [hard to believe but] even more exciting, i am going to be collaborating on a piece of a-r-t with a steel sculptor. i mean she makes things out of steel, she isn't made of steel herself. that i know of. everything in this post brought to you by the fact that i'm awake.

* - this i have to disclaim.


35 kilburn street [20 Feb 2004|11:06pm]
[ mood | confidence: hope it lasts ]

last night i couldn't sleep, so i sat up writing in my journal about what i would do if i owned my babcia's house and if i won the lottery. also what items at the house i will try to save before it is sold (the other day i noticed a reel tape recorder in the attic). my mother, after initial horror, agreed that i could have the printing press and store it here. she also told me that she wants me to have my father's beautiful oak rolltop desk.

today i received my most touching gift since the mixtapes catherine made me when i was "rolling away" from her. my oregonian penpal rose was once telling me how she replaces her bathtowels once or twice a year. i recalled seeing grey towels at a home shop and vowing i would have them for my own place someday. well, yesterday i received a package from her and a set of grey bathtowels was inside. i was floored. i'm really looking forward to her visit next weekend.


if the ladies don't find you handsome... [20 Feb 2004|01:56am]
tonight i started repairing a carved wooden box that i found in the field next to the cemetery last week. it's cheap, was made in hong kong, has birds. the clasp is neat, a plate with holes swings down over two nubbins that have aligned holes for a horizontal pin. the pin is missing, and it's a bit chewed up around the bottom of the lid. one of the hinges is blown off and the lid is too tight, but those are temporary conditions now that i've got it in my basement. once it's in shape i'd like to give it to someone. i wonder if anyone i know needs a box.

talking to someone recently, i realized that all the thoughts i have regarding my future depend on my winning the lottery or inexplicably becoming materially successful through no concentrated effort of my own. like keeping my babcia's house in the family. or travelling, or helping my friends out financially. then i think that other than luck, my best bet for success is probably the pursuit of art as a career. i don't know why i think that when lately i find it such a chore to make art. really i'd like to be a handy man. too bad i'm not handy enough.


[18 Feb 2004|11:49pm]
today i had an appointment with the water department at my babcia's house. i wasn't very early and they were waiting for me. i apologised, then he apologised for missing last week's appointment; he was sick. this time, i'm sick. i've had a vicious sore throat for three days now. i've drunk enough tea to sail to cuba. jay's sick too. the show at the p.a.l. went well, only two injuries and no huge brawl. the crowd was entirely made up of teenagers, except for our friends and a few guys my sister knew. the pins were a big hit (thanks lex!) and we also distributed lots of stickers and announcement cards for the next show. the latter is moot, however, since it's 21+. i'm looking forward to the yeah yeah yeahs' show in providence monday. today i shovelled snow, so i'll have to sow providence with résumés tomorrow or friday. i enjoy preparing taxes but sadly it's too late to get a job doing that this year. i also have to rehead a djembe drum in new bedford (damn spider). i am very proud to announce that finally today i have successfully put together an order for the learning to leave a paper trail 'zine distro. this was my third attempt. tomorrow i'll take the money out of the bank and mail it. exciting!

yesterday i visited elissa in new bedford, and we in turn visited sarah and alexander in the ceramics department of the star store studios (umass dartmouth). i like sarah a lot, but it was pretty difficult. i brought my camera but didn't take any pictures. i am so very very glad i don't go to school there anymore. i don't think i will ever go upstairs in that building again, only to the galleries on the first floor. sometimes it's hard to move on; other times it's hard to not.

5 drops in the bucket | spit

[08 Feb 2004|02:11am]
practice is cancelled tomorrow (at least our next performance won't be over-rehearsed!) so i can accompany my mother to my aunt's to visit my grandmother who recently had surgery, bearing baked goods from leddy's. i went to the dartmouth mall today. what a mistake! i didn't find anything i was looking for and it was just painful. i need to go to the wrentham outlets for sneakers and i don't know where i can get hair clipper attachments and new blades for my electric razor. who cares, right? oh well.

[06 Feb 2004|09:47pm]
last night alexis and i went to Safe Place, the samaritans' support group for "survivors of suicide victims." we were the only ones there, aside from the facilitator, joyce, who was kind and pleasant. we had tea and shot the shit. they're going to call me about volunteering on the hotline.

another good thing about yesterday was that i spent the day moving furniture etc. for kim and kory at their studio. kim took a workbench that has been rotting in my basement and turned it into a great desk in her space! brava. i like doing stuff for people so i feel useful.


[30 Jan 2004|04:33am]
i registered for drawing for teens and adults at the art association. to get me working. i'm glad that the materials are provided, that way all i have to bring is myself. i read neuromancer and enjoyed it; it deserves its reputation. i got pretty mad when peter busted molly's eye. i'm now reading count zero, william gibson's second novel. i like how each chapter is about each character in sequence.

my mother's boyfriend is in boston awaiting quadruple bypass surgery. that's a downer. we decided to have people over sunday for the super bowl. probably just my mémère and uncle, but everyone's invited. my penpal rose will be visiting the area from portland the last weekend of fevrier. the band is playing in fall river february 15th. i have appointments for the doctor, dentist and shrink. feh.


on the road [30 Jan 2004|04:15am]
[ mood | can't sleep ]

create your own visited states map or write about it on the open travel guide


[19 Jan 2004|06:57pm]
saturday i went to boston to try to see the rembrandt exhibit at the mfa. it was sold out, and the whole trip was a horrible experience. today i went again with my mother, and it was a big different. i was amazed with how relaxed she was in the same situations that freaked me the eff out the other day. and it was worth everything to see the two late paintings they had in there. the hundred guilder print, three trees, three crosses and ecce homo were great too, as well as some of the smaller prints. what a guy.

"...and i don't see too many restaurants" [12 Jan 2004|10:35pm]
[ mood | thinking of you ]

so we went to providence and picked up the couch from andy, mary, claire and otto. then we spent a couple hours trying to get it up the stairs of lillie's building. we couldn't even make it to the first landing. the thing was a monster. so we left it on the sidewalk. so that's a big disappointment to you if your name is lillie. but, gracious in defeat, she treated us to a wonderful dinner at oriental pearl. i had leftovers for dinner tonight and there's still plenty left! szechuan scallion pancake, bean sprout fried rice, broccoli in garlic sauce with bean curd and vegetable lo mein. lots of snow peas in that last one, and thankfully not too many water chestnuts. i love you and i want you to be happy. yum yum boo hoo


saturday night fever [10 Jan 2004|07:17pm]
tonight i am going to whip up some boss nachos and in their company and that of my mother watch the titans beat the patriots. tomorrow i am going to move a couch. is that a weekend or what?

[06 Jan 2004|11:19pm]
A court in Gdansk, Poland, has sentenced the artist Dorota Nieznalska to 120 hours of community service and banned her from foreign travel for 6 months for "offending religious feelings" by exhibiting a cross-shaped painting of male genitalia.

happy frickin' new year [01 Jan 2004|10:42pm]
[ mood | lazy ]

today i helped my mom make stollen and washed dishes and gorged on pbs' globetrekker marathon.

you can now hear what my band sounds like (something approaching hardcore) by visiting here or by clicking media on our website. we'll once again be playing the new wave café on thursday but fortunately reason to fight will be joining us. i may wear my ridiculous rainbow outfit but i'm not sure.


2004 reasons to stay home [31 Dec 2003|09:34pm]
[ mood | i have cooties; stay away ]

i went to boston today. driving up i felt like turning around, but i told myself that would be giving in to fear and forged onward. riding the train in felt like crap. then i got to the museum and saw the sign in the lobby that said their hours would be different today: they would close an hour after i arrived. i still got my "artist's membership" (which required my signing an affidavit affirming that i am a "full time working artist," which i didn't feel good about. pam hoss told me to do it!) but couldn't really enjoy looking around. when i left the museum, i started walking around, figuring i would see what was going on for first night or at the clubs, but at northeastern (about a block from the museum) i got back on the crowded train, back to my truck so i could sit in traffic for a half hour. now i'm home and i ain't leaving, although i would like to know what the "revolutionary snake ensemble" (performing at Gromada Plaza) is all about. i ate lots of hummus and pita and am taping the west wing for my mom. she's at a party. my sister's out too. i love being home alone.


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